this just has baby written all over it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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