Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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