how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
