My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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