Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
