my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize