He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i think im in europe. pls send help
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
