OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
