i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
