I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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