You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize