"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
