I feel great
I just peed on a car
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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