I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and she was petting her beer can
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
