Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
