My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
