Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
