Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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