We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
