He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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