I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I skipped work to stalk him.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
