I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
