It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
