Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
