My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
