he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
