Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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