we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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