Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize