what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
