We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
