If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize