so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
