I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
