IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
