she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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