i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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