SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize