Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
