i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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