We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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