nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize