just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
