just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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