He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
