Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
