Will you blow on my dice?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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