k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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