So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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