Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
