His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
