You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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