my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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