1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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