i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
