I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
false alarm, still single
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