I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
