I'm eating all of the evidence.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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