She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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