Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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