If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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