Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
