One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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