someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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