Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
