After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Randomize
