Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
