she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
